“Bless you, sir, for philosophy, I sucked it in with my mother’s milk. Nature then gave me the hint, which I have ever since acted on, and I hold that the sum of all learning consists in milking another man’s cow. So much for the recent acquisition of my philosophy! I gained it, you see, sir, with the first wink of my eye; and though I lost a great portion of it by sea-sickness in the Mediterranean, nevertheless, since I served your Lordship, I have resumed my old habits, and do opine that this vain globe is but a large football to be kicked and cuffed about by moody philosophers!”

“You must have seen a great deal in your life, Essper,” said Vivian.

“Like all great travellers.” said Essper, “I have seen more than I remember, and remember more than I have seen.”

“Have you any objection to go to the East again?” asked Vivian. “It would require but little persuasion to lead me there.”

“I would rather go to a place where the religion is easier; I wish, sir, you would take me to England!”

“Nay, not there with me, if with others.”

“With you, or with none.”

“I cannot conceive, Essper, what can induce you to tie up your fortunes with those of such a sad-looking personage as myself.”

“In truth, sir, there is no accounting for tastes. My grandmother loved a brindled cat!”

“Your grandmother, Essper! Nothing would amuse me more than to be introduced to your family.”

“My family, sir, are nothing more nor less than what all of us must be counted, worms of five feet long, mortal angels, the world’s epitome, heaps of atoms which Nature has kneaded with blood into solid flesh, little worlds of living clay, sparks of heaven, inches of earth, Nature’s quintessence, moving dust, the little all, smooth-faced cherubim, in whose souls the Ring of stars has drawn the image of Himself!”

“And how many years has breathed the worm of five feet long that I am now speaking to?”

“Good, my Lord, I was no head at calculating from a boy; but I do remember that I am two days older than one of the planets.”

“How is that?”

“There was one born in the sky, sir, the day I was christened with a Turkish crescent.”

“Come, Essper,” said Vivian, who was rather interested by the conversation; Essper, having, until this morning, skilfully avoided any discourse upon the subject of his birth or family, adroitly turning the conversation whenever it chanced to approach these subjects, and silencing inquiries, if commenced, by some ludicrous and evidently fictitious answer. “Come, Essper,” said Vivian, “I feel by no means in the humour to quit this shady retreat. You and I have now known each other long, and gone through much together. It is but fair that I should become better acquainted with one who, to me, is not only a faithful servant, but what is more valuable, a faithful friend, I might now almost add, my only one. What say you to whiling away a passing hour by giving me some sketch of your curious and adventurous life? If there be anything that you wish to conceal, pass it over; but no invention, nothing but the truth, if you please; the whole truth, if you like.”

“Why, sweet sir, as for this odd knot of soul and body, which none but the hand of Heaven could have twined, it was first seen, I believe, near the very spot where we are now sitting; for my mother, when I saw her first and last, lived in Bohemia. She was an Egyptian, and came herself from the Levant. I lived a week, sir, in the Seraglio when I was at Constantinople, and I saw there the brightest women of all countries, Georgians, and Circassians, and Poles; in truth, sir, nature’s masterpieces. And yet, by the Gods of all nations! there was not one of them half so lovely as the lady who gave me this tongue!” Here Essper exhibited at full length the enormous feature which had so much enraged the one-eyed sergeant at Frankfort.

“When I first remember myself,” he continued, “I was playing with some other gipsy-boys in the midst of a forest. Here was our settlement! It was large and powerful. My mother, probably from her beauty, possessed great influence, particularly among the men; and yet I found not among them all a father. On the contrary, every one of my companions had a man whom he reverenced as his parent, and who taught him to steal; but I was called by the whole tribe the mother-son, and was honest from my first year out of mere wilfulness; at least, if I stole anything, it was always from our own people. Many were the quarrels I occasioned, since, presuming on my mother’s love and power, I never called mischief a scrape; but acting just as my fancy took me, I left those who suffered by my conduct to apologise for my ill-behaviour. Being thus an idle, unprofitable, impudent, and injurious member of this pure community, they determined one day to cast me out from their bosom; and in spite of my mother’s exertions and entreaties, the ungrateful vipers succeeded in their purpose. As a compliment to my parent, they allowed me to tender my resignation, instead of receiving my expulsion. My dear mother gave me a donkey, a wallet, and a ducat, a great deal of advice about my future conduct, and, what was more interesting to me, much information about my birth.

“‘Sweet child of my womb!’ said my mother, pressing me to her bosom; ‘be proud of thy white hands and straight nose! Thou gottest them not from me, and thou shalt take them from whence they came. Thy father is a Hungarian Prince; and though I would not have parted with thee, had I thought that thou wouldst ever have prospered in our life, even if he had made thee his child of the law and lord of his castle, still, as thou canst not tarry with us, haste thou to him! Give him this ring and this lock of hair; tell him none have seen them but the father, the mother, and the child! He will look on them, and remember the days that are passed; and thou shalt be unto him as a hope for his lusty years and a prop for his old age.’

“My mother gave me all necessary directions, which I well remembered, and much more advice, which I directly forgot.

“Although tempted, now that I was a free man, to follow my own fancy, I still was too curious to sec what kind of a person was my unknown father to deviate either from my route or my maternal instructions, and in a fortnight’s time I had reached my future Principality.

“The Sun sank behind the proud castle of my princely father, as, trotting slowly along upon my humble beast, with my wallet slung at my side, I approached it through his park. A guard, consisting of twenty or thirty men in magnificent uniforms, were lounging at the portal. I—but sir, sir, what is the meaning of this darkness? I always made a vow to myself that I never would tell my history. Ah! what ails me?”

A large eagle fell dead at their feet.

“Protect me, master!” screamed Essper, seizing Vivian by the shoulder; “what is coming? I cannot stand; the earth seems to tremble! Is it the wind that roars and rages? or is it ten thousand cannon blowing this globe to atoms?”

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