Andiron Tales

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He ought to do the way a boy I knew once did. He suffered just as Dormy does. You'd tell him a thing in his left ear and the first thing you'd know, pop! it would all come out of the other ear and be lost. The poor fellow was growing up to be an ignoramus. Couldn't keep a thing in his head, until one night I overheard his father and mother talking about it in the library. The boy's father wanted to punish him for not remembering what he learned at school, when his mother said just what Dormy here said, that everything went in one ear and out of the other. Then they both looked sad, and the mother rubbed her eyes until the tears came. I couldn't stand that. If there's one thing in the world I can't stand it's other people's sorrows. Mine don't amount to much, but other people's do sometimes. I felt so bad for the poor parents that I racked and racked my brains trying to think of some way to cure the boy. It took me a week, but I got it at last and the next time the boy's parents talked about it I took the matter in hand. I simply walked out of the fireplace where I was and said, 'I hope you will excuse the interference of an Andiron, ma'am, but I think your boy can be cured of his ear trouble.' 'Noble fellow,' said the father, after he had got over his surprise at my unusual behavior. 'What do you suggest?'"},{"id":"content1:130","kind":"paragraph","text":"\"'Put a cork in his other ear,' said I."},{"id":"content1:131","kind":"paragraph","text":"\"And they did, and from that time on the boy never lost a bit of information any one gave him. He grew up to be a dreadfully wise man and when he finally died he was known as the human N. Cyclopedia.\""},{"id":"content1:132","kind":"paragraph","text":"\"That was a noble act of yours,\" said the Poker. \"Did you have the idea patented?\""},{"id":"content1:133","kind":"paragraph","text":"\"No,\" said the Andiron. \"I wanted to, but the patent rules require that a working model should be sent with the request for a patent for the patent office to keep, which of course I couldn't do.\""},{"id":"content1:134","kind":"paragraph","text":"\"Why not?\" asked Tom."},{"id":"content1:135","kind":"paragraph","text":"\"I couldn't get a boy who would consent to spend his life in the showcase. I could get all the corks I wanted, but no boy, and so I had to give it up,\" replied Lefty, with a sigh. \"I'd have been a rich Andiron today if I could have had that idea patented. I shouldn't be surprised if I'd have had enough to have Righty and the Poker and myself goldplated.\""},{"id":"content1:136","kind":"paragraph","text":"\"Oh, well, I wouldn't feel bad about that,\" said the Poker. \"What's the use? You're bright as any gold that ever shined and you are quite as useful. Gold may be worth more than you are, but what of it? The people who bought you are willing to change their gold for you, so that really puts you ahead. As for myself I wouldn't be gold if I could. Gold Pokers aren't worth anything as Pokers, and what's more, if I were gold Tom's father would lock me up in the safe every night and then I couldn't travel about the way I do.\""},{"id":"content1:137","kind":"paragraph","text":"\"Never thought of it in that light,\" said Lefty. \"I'm glad I'm brass, after all.\""},{"id":"content1:138","kind":"paragraph","text":"\"But you were going to tell us a poem, weren't you?\" asked Tom."},{"id":"content1:139","kind":"paragraph","text":"\"Yes,\" said the Poker. \"It's a simple little verse, but there is a good deal of fine advice in it. All it says is:"},{"id":"content1:140","kind":"paragraph","text":"\"If you're in doubt if you can do A thing some one has asked you to, Don't sit you down and moan and cry Because you can't, but wink your eye And try.\""},{"id":"content1:141","kind":"paragraph","text":"\"There's good advice enough for a lifetime in that, Dormy,\" said the Righthandiron. \"And now let's see if we can move the cloud.\""},{"id":"content1:142","kind":"paragraph","text":"The four little creatures set out at once to push the cloud nearer to the earth so that Tom could see the latter going around more clearly, but their efforts were in vain. The cloud wouldn't budge an inch."},{"id":"content1:143","kind":"paragraph","text":"\"No use,\" said the Poker, panting with his exertion. \"There is only one thing to do now and that is to send for the Bellows. If he'll come and blow in his usual style we'll have that cloud where we want it in less than no time. I'd blow it there myself, for I am a far better blower than the Bellows is—my, how I can blow! But I'm out of breath trying to push the cloud.\""},{"id":"content1:144","kind":"paragraph","text":"\"I'll run back and get the Bellows,\" said Lefty."},{"id":"content1:145","kind":"paragraph","text":"\"And I'll go with you,\" said Righty. \"He may not come for one, but I'm sure he will for two.\""},{"id":"content1:146","kind":"paragraph","text":"\"All right,\" said the Poker. \"Dormy and I will wait here for you; and I'll tell him a story while you're gone. How will that suit you Dormy?\""},{"id":"content1:147","kind":"paragraph","text":"\"First rate,\" said Tom. \"I like stories.\""},{"id":"content1:148","kind":"paragraph","text":"\"We'll be back soon,\" said the Righthandiron, as he and the other started back after the Bellows. \"So make your story short.\""},{"id":"content1:149","kind":"paragraph","text":"\"Very good,\" returned the Poker amiably. \"I'll make it so short that Dormy will hardly know that it was ever begun.\""},{"id":"content1:150","kind":"paragraph","text":"And so Tom was left sitting on a big cloud way up in the sky with the Poker—which was indeed a very novel position for a small boy like him to be in."}],"toc":[{"id":"content0:0:1","label":"John Kendrick Bangs Andiron Tales","page":1,"pageUrl":"/books/1JfhsbNA#reader-content"},{"id":"content0:1:1","label":"CHAPTER I","page":1,"pageUrl":"/books/1JfhsbNA#reader-content"},{"id":"content0:2:1","label":"Tom and the Andirons","page":1,"pageUrl":"/books/1JfhsbNA#reader-content"},{"id":"content1:0:2","label":"CHAPTER II","page":2,"pageUrl":"/books/1JfhsbNA?page=2#reader-content"},{"id":"content1:1:2","label":"The Story of Ebenezer","page":2,"pageUrl":"/books/1JfhsbNA?page=2#reader-content"},{"id":"content1:46:3","label":"CHAPTER III","page":3,"pageUrl":"/books/1JfhsbNA?page=3#reader-content"},{"id":"content1:47:3","label":"Off in the Clouds","page":3,"pageUrl":"/books/1JfhsbNA?page=3#reader-content"},{"id":"content2:0:6","label":"CHAPTER IV","page":6,"pageUrl":"/books/1JfhsbNA?page=6#reader-content"},{"id":"content2:1:6","label":"The Poker Tells His Story","page":6,"pageUrl":"/books/1JfhsbNA?page=6#reader-content"},{"id":"content2:38:7","label":"CHAPTER V","page":7,"pageUrl":"/books/1JfhsbNA?page=7#reader-content"},{"id":"content2:39:7","label":"The Poker Concludes His Story","page":7,"pageUrl":"/books/1JfhsbNA?page=7#reader-content"},{"id":"content3:0:8","label":"CHAPTER VI","page":8,"pageUrl":"/books/1JfhsbNA?page=8#reader-content"},{"id":"content3:1:8","label":"The Literary Bellows","page":8,"pageUrl":"/books/1JfhsbNA?page=8#reader-content"},{"id":"content4:0:10","label":"CHAPTER VII","page":10,"pageUrl":"/books/1JfhsbNA?page=10#reader-content"},{"id":"content4:1:10","label":"They Reach the Crescent Moon","page":10,"pageUrl":"/books/1JfhsbNA?page=10#reader-content"},{"id":"content4:11:10","label":"WHAT'S THE USE","page":10,"pageUrl":"/books/1JfhsbNA?page=10#reader-content"},{"id":"content5:0:11","label":"CHAPTER VIII","page":11,"pageUrl":"/books/1JfhsbNA?page=11#reader-content"},{"id":"content5:1:11","label":"On the Trolley Cloud","page":11,"pageUrl":"/books/1JfhsbNA?page=11#reader-content"},{"id":"content5:3:11","label":"FOR POLAR BEARS GO TO ARCTICS","page":11,"pageUrl":"/books/1JfhsbNA?page=11#reader-content"},{"id":"content5:4:11","label":"Fifty-seven Varieties","page":11,"pageUrl":"/books/1JfhsbNA?page=11#reader-content"},{"id":"content5:5:11","label":"No Home Complete Without Them","page":11,"pageUrl":"/books/1JfhsbNA?page=11#reader-content"},{"id":"content6:0:13","label":"CHAPTER IX","page":13,"pageUrl":"/books/1JfhsbNA?page=13#reader-content"},{"id":"content6:1:13","label":"On the Oscycle—A Narrow Escape","page":13,"pageUrl":"/books/1JfhsbNA?page=13#reader-content"},{"id":"content7:0:15","label":"CHAPTER X","page":15,"pageUrl":"/books/1JfhsbNA?page=15#reader-content"},{"id":"content7:1:15","label":"Home Again","page":15,"pageUrl":"/books/1JfhsbNA?page=15#reader-content"},{"id":"content7:8:15","label":"THE WONDROUS STRIKE OF SAMMY DIKE","page":15,"pageUrl":"/books/1JfhsbNA?page=15#reader-content"},{"id":"content7:70:17","label":"The End","page":17,"pageUrl":"/books/1JfhsbNA?page=17#reader-content"}]},"similarBooks":[{"idCatalog":786045,"shortId":"0eRNwwzf","title":"The Wind in the Willows","authorLine":"Кеннет Грэм","primaryAuthorId":"dbbbb0fd-f249-47a3-9959-366f35961dc5","coverUrl":"https://storage.yandexcloud.net/bookra-catalog-pd-public/content/1ad308e9-8ee5-11e7-8259-0cc47a52085c/thumbs/400.webp","publicUrl":"https://bookra.app/books/0eRNwwzf"},{"idCatalog":765536,"shortId":"48WscxDy","title":"For Name and Fame; 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